Giant Papier-mâché Vaginas and Unicorn Onsies

Last Friday night saw me walking behind a giant papier-mâché vagina being pulled by women wearing unicorn onsies with 650 other ‘dykes’ for Hamburg’s first ever Dyke March. The aim of Dyke March is to increase the visibility of lesbians and queer women and to promote the aims and challenges that are unique to queer female community. So often queer women get lost behind the minimal clothing, sequins and glitter of the queer men. We are rarely photographed during Pride parades because we don’t stand out as much as our fellow queer men.  Let’s face it, we just don’t get the clicks that a photo of a 6 foot drag queen does. So, the Dyke March was our chance to steal the spotlight for the moment.

I think a giant vagina with a golden clitoris is rather spotlight stealing.

A giant vagina. What else does a Dyke Match need?

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Also, what is more awesome than unicorn onsies! I really need to find out where they brought them.

Unicorn Onsies!! 🦄

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We were given a sign, so we looked very official as we marched and danced down the streets of Hamburg.

We've been given a sign so now we look very official. #dykemarch #csdhamburg

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This was my shirt for the event. It’s dedicated to all the people who have told me over the years that I don’t look like a lesbian because I have long hair.

 

It was such a fun night. I have never seen so many queer women in one place before. Seriously, where are all you girls hiding the rest of the time??  We danced, we marched, we shouted, we flirted. It was awesome.

Beginning To Find My Community?

Last night I sat in a gay bar in Lange Reihe and chatted and laughed with two other lesbians. This was the first time in my almost 3 years in Hamburg that I’ve hang out with more than one other lesbian. I have really missed this.

This all came to pass through my love-to-hate expat forum Toytown and the reinstatement of Queer Beer in Hamburg.  Knowing that Queer Beer is, to put it bluntly, a sausage fest, I contacted every lesbian in Hamburg active on Toytown that had ever mentioned they would like to go to a Queer event and asked them to come along.  Two of them said yes – and I’m extremely grateful to those two awesome girls (Hi, if you are reading this!).

I adore and treasure my straight friends, as well as my gay male friends, but there is a type of conversation that you can only have with another lesbian and achieve a real level of understanding, and that happened last night.  It was a rare thing in my German life and I wonder whether this will be something that will only happen a couple of times before it all fizzles out or whether it is something we can build upon and create an active English speaking Queer Girl Stammtisch. Food for thought, indeed.

But whatever comes to pass, last night was good and much needed – and I’m extremely grateful that it happened.

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The Process of Coming Out Again and Again

Rainbow flag flapping in the wind with blue sk...

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I read, with some interest, the EW interview with Sean Maher (Firefly!) in which he comes out of the closet after a career of almost 14 years, citing extreme fear as to why he didn’t do so much earlier. I really feel for this guy as straight people, honestly, have no idea just how damn scary it is to come out and how, unless you are a celebrity, you have to keep coming out your entire life. It isn’t a one time thing, not even close.  Every new person you meet and every new social situation you find yourself in, you as a gay person, have to make the decision to come out or stay closeted. Also, the fear over coming out doesn’t really get any less. Sure in some situations, it is easier, but in most you have to make some judgement calls about the people you are with and whether it is even safe to reveal your sexuality.

I am an ‘openly’ gay woman.  I say openly in comma marks because even though I am out at work and to my family and friends and online, I am not out in all areas of my life.  The one place where I’m not out and where this is slightly bugging me, is my German class. My German class is not just a group of random people I learn German with, I have known most of them for almost a year and besides spending 3 hours a week learning German together, we also go out to the pub and to dinner every couple of months.  These are people I would class as my friends or at the very least, very good acquaintances. I feel like, at times, I’m being dishonest.  I have never lied about my sexuality, it has never come up, but I feel I haven’t been completely honest. I just avoid any questions about my love life or if asked directly, I play ‘the pronoun game’. The reason I don’t admit I am gay is that I’m too damn scared to.  I’m scared of being shunned by them, being the class outcast that no one wants to sit next to or speak to because they are gay. This fear has no basis in reality. No one in my class has made even a remotely homophobic remark. Yet still I have this irrational fear.

You would think coming out would get easier over time and the more comfortable you are with your sexuality, but it really doesn’t.  There always seem to be situations where coming out is just too damn scary.  I wish it didn’t need to be this way.

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My Love Life Is DOA

There should probably be a ban against using lines from the Friends theme song as blog titles, but it is so damn fitting that it was literally screaming out to be used. Apologises to everyone who has an adverse reaction to 90s sitcoms.

After I moved to Germany and had a rather not so great foray into the world of online dating, I figured I really needed a year off from relationships to get my head back to a healthy place and to get myself settled in my new city. Well, that one year self moratorium on dating is up and I feel emotionally ready to get back into the game. There is only one slight problem, I have no damn idea how to go about it. Not a single one.  You see, I’ve never been on a date. Ever. I just wound up in relationships with my friends. This was easy, become friends, sense a growing attraction and then bam, you are in a relationship. No awkward first dates, no blind dates, no dating of any kind.

However, now I’m living in a different country and I no longer have a handy network of lesbian friends I can hook up with or can use to meet other lesbians. In fact, I don’t know any lesbians in Hamburg at all.  All my friends are straight, with the exception of my one gay male friend who also doesn’t know any lesbians.

I know I could just go out to a lesbian club and if I was damn lucky find a one night stand, but to be honest, that isn’t what I’m looking for. I gotta admit I’m an intellect snob.  Sure, a pretty package can aid the attraction, but if the girl is not intelligent then I am not interested. The likelihood I’m going to meet a girl that I can discuss world politics and science with at a lesbian nightclub is pretty damn remote.  Add to that meeting a girl around my age at one who doesn’t have a girlfriend in tow is almost nil and you can begin to see why, for me, that isn’t exactly a viable dating option.

As for online dating, I’m not feeling the love there either.  I dunno why, I’m just not. Probably because I haven’t found a single girl on there that lives even remotely close to Hamburg.  Then again, given my ridiculously busy schedule maybe a long distance relationship might be a good thing.  At least then, she couldn’t complain that I don’t have time for her.

There are times when I think I’m throwing up all these excuses for not being able date simply cause I’m scared to.  Dating seems damn scary and rather judgemental, which is why I think I’ve always had relationships with friends. Also, 10 years out of even having to think about dating is a really long time.

If anyone has any advice on easing oneself back into the dating game especially in a country where you barely speak the language, please, please give it to me. In the meantime I will go back to my crushes on straights girls and CNN reporters.  At least I already know where they will go…. nowhere.

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The Damage Done By The Gay Girl in Damascus Hoax

Lots has been written about the Gay Girl in Damascus Hoax perpetuated by Tom MacMaster. There are many people in the lesbian blogosphere who are feeling hurt by this man’s lies over a staggering 5 years that he pretended to be a Syrian lesbian, least of all his/her ex-girlfriend. It has raised the point once again that you can never be 100% sure that you people you talk to online are genuine.

When Tom revealed himself as Amina, he said that he never intended to hurt anyone as if lying to people over five years could all be done away by a disingenuous apology. Well, you fucking douchebag,  your lies has now given a murderous regime ammunition to discredit the Syrian anti-regime online activists.

You haven’t just hurt lesbian bloggers, but you have now hurt the people who you claimed your fake blog was helping. You have allowed the brutal Assad regime to cast doubts on the validity of the anti-regime movement. Are you happy with yourself now? Do you feel good about your hoax? Do you still feel proud of the new tagline on your fake blog – “The Image is not the Real; When you realize that you were reading a story, rather than the news, who should you be angry at? The teller of tales that moved you?”  The image might not be real, but the damage you have done is. A simple apology is not going to be enough this time.

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