The last time I updated this blog was the 18th October, that’s over 2 months ago and to be brutally honest the updates on this blog for a large chunk of this year have been few and far between. I want to give you an explanation for this. I suffer from depression and this year it has hit me hard. Not so hard that I want to end my life and am unable to get out of bed, but hard enough that since around June the joy had been sucked out of my life. You don’t feel much like blogging or doing much of anything when the world isn’t looking so bright. I am thankfully seeing the tail end of it. Life is starting to look more joyous again. I find myself spontaneously dancing in the kitchen whilst I’m cooking for no reason whatsoever and that feels pretty damn good.
One of the things that helped boot me out of this depression was performing in my first stage show in almost 18 years. It was just a small role as Aunt Gardiner in the play Pride & Prejudice. I was in only 4 scenes and spent about 10 mins of a 3 hour long play on stage, but behind the scenes was where all the fun was and I was blessed to be surrounded by some of the most joyous and wonderful people. Every night for 2 weeks (bar 2 days off), I wrestled with a curling iron and hair that most steadfastly did not want to be curled so I could end up looking like this.
Also, I got cuddles from this handsome young man whilst getting my make-up done.
Unfortunately, I got really sick at the end of the play’s run and spent the following week in bed, by doctor’s orders. I have never had the flu so bad. I have also been never yelled at by a doctor in German for going to work and taking cold & flu medication – you know, what you normally do when you have what you think is just a cold. I now know that my actions were stupid and dangerous by German standards.
I also started a book blog called Urban Dystopia as the only upside to this lovely bout of depression was that my book obsession became even more obsessive and to help get my mental health back on track I decided to blog about books. I think it kinda worked.
Work has not been great this year and was a factor in my decline in mental health. Those that know me offline have had to put up with my ranting and I thank you all so much for that, it has helped immensely to get those feelings out. Shit is continuing on the work front, but I am not able to blog openly about it. One day I am going to have some very interesting stories.
So, that’s a very honest update about my absence. However, I feel I’m back now or at the very least getting there. Hopefully blog updates will be a little bit more regular from now on.