I Am Disappointed In Myself

A Christmas Red Rose

A Christmas Red Rose (Photo credit: ** Lucky Cavey **)

When I started this blog I made a promise to myself to always be truthful.  You fine folks who read this blog of mine deserve at least that much.  This expat life of mine is a true bed of roses, complete with thorns and sometimes the thorns can be the most important part.

So, onto a thorny subject – self-disappointment. When I moved to Germany back in 2010 I was in the best shape of my life.  I was fit and my body was strong and I liked what my body was able to accomplish, which included beating people up in exchange for shiny trophies and medals.  Marital arts had turned me, the life-long non-athlete, into a competitive sportswoman.  But more than that, it was fun.  I actually for the first time in my life enjoyed doing a sport.  After the move to Germany, I stopped doing martial arts. I couldn’t find a club I liked and the language barrier at that time was too great.  With the stopping of exercise, came the gradual but ever increasing weight gain.  I am shamefully now 15kg heavier than what I should be and my body is weak.  I promised myself I would always stay a healthy weight and currently I am not. I have disappointed myself.

But I’m putting myself back on the wagon. I’m returning back to the gym, which doesn’t excite and stimulate me like martial arts did, but I can fit it around my German classes and other obligations.  I’m also going to start eating properly.  My diet isn’t too bad, but some less than desirable elements like too much Coke and chocolate have crept in and my control of portion sizes leaves much to be desired.

Along with dropping the ball on staying healthy, I have also more recently dropped the ball on my language learning.  I simply burnt out and the reason why I did was because I was doing too much.  Who in their right mind thinks an hour of vocab training every single day is sustainable? I need to re-evaluate my language learning plan and how best to study.  If anyone has any ideas, I’m open to them.

This winter has been hard.  Long, dark cold days along with losing all my work colleagues have taken their toll.  I have learnt I really don’t do well working alone every single day with just me and my thoughts, but that is something I’m going to have to learn to deal with as things are not going to change in the short-term.  However, I hope that by getting out each day into the long awaited sunshine and getting some exercise will help with that. I’m hoping with a healthier body will come a healthier mind.  I am hoping that soon I will no longer be disappointed in myself.

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5 thoughts on “I Am Disappointed In Myself

  1. Same EXACT thing here. I am unhappy with my body, and it´s only been a few weeks of NO exercise, and a few months of no weights. I´ve started today. :)
    I ALREADY feel better.
    You can do it, you deserve it.

  2. I used to teach English to immigrants in Oz when I first graduated. We did intensive courses, eight weeks, six hours a day. By the time the eight weeks was up, most of our students were burnt out. They needed some time just to reflect on it and mull it over. Things that they learned began to fall into place as gradually, over time, they found the opportunity to use a piece of grammar or vocab in a natural setting. Then the skill stuck.

    So go easy on yourself.

    By the way, I have yet to apply this to my own language learning, which is why my Deutsche is so scheißer. Or scheißen. Or scheißes. I don’t know which.

  3. I came to a similar conclusion about my weight and fitness at the beginning of the year. Since Feb 1 I’ve lost 6 kg, nearly 3 kg of which is fat, and I’ve started running again. If an old guy like I can do that, I’m sure you can do.

  4. Well i m going through the same thing i have also gained 2 kg since i came to Germany..The not so Shining Sun makes it even more harder for me to go for a Run..but i make it a point to Dance for half an hour a day three times a week..Dancing is my hobby and I feel really good while I can also listen to my fav songs..

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