Failure

Well my attempt to go off my medication was a complete and utter failure.  I lasted two days. Two days full of pain and barely any sleep.  Dear gods, it was hell.  I decided it wasn’t worth trying to get off these meds when I found myself sobbing at 6am this morning due to the pain.

So back on the medication and hopefully since I was only off it for 2 days going back on the meds won’t cause me to walk into walls for a couple of days. If you don’t hear from me tomorrow, can someone check that I haven’t walked into a corner and am unable to find my way out?

I would be disappointed, but I just want relief from this pain and some sleep.  Obviously my meds are doing exactly what they should be and need to be doing.  My brain is still broken and maybe it might stay that way forever.  However, I will take my meds and put up with the lower tolerance to alcohol and dull reflexes that they cause to be pain free. I never want a repeat performance of the last 2 days.

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4 thoughts on “Failure

  1. Hey girl…

    I don’t think I would consider that “Failure”… as you said, the meds are doing what they are supposed to be doing, and your body/mind must still need them. I think I would say instead “Body not ready yet”.

    True it is a bummer to have to stay on them, but the relief they bring allows you to carry on.

    Hope things go well with starting them up again!

  2. I agree with the first comment, I wouldn’t consider it a failure either. It’s about being ready, and your body just isn’t yet. Eventually, maybe it will be, but if not, than taking medicine every day is a reality. I know the end goal was to get off this medicine, but if it lets you be pain-free and happy for now with no significant life-altering side effects, then you can do this. If there is one thing I’ve learned about health, it’s that it can never be rushed. I wish you all the best, and if you ever want to talk, you can always ALWAYS email me!

  3. Even though I have been absent from comments for the last month, I have been reading and I just want to reiterate what everyone is saying – this was by no means a failure.

    There’s no shame in taking a little more time! And by what you gave written here, it would have been detrimental to stay off your medication when you were in so much pain. There’s still time!

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