The Price of Admission

I’ll admit straight out that I love Dan Savage.  I don’t agree with everything he says, but the man speaks the, sometimes brutal, truth instead of sugar coating it like most other relationship columnists.

One of the things I really like about him is his Price of Admission theory which talks about how you have to ignore the little things you don’t like about your current lover in order to enjoy the things you do like.

Watching the above talk about the Price of Admission got me thinking about what are absolute deal breakers for me and what things are worth the Price of Admission. In my last relationship the Price of Admission got too high but it gave me a really good lesson in the things that matter to me in a relationship. I learnt that absolute deal breakers for me are: cheating or breaking of trust and selfishness. I will never put up with that shit again. However, I do fear that the Price of Admission for being in a relationship with me is just too damn high.  I have some real annoying traits.  I’m doing my best to work on some of them before flinging myself into another relationship. Whether I will accomplish that is debatable though.

However, I’m curious, what are absolute deal breakers for you, in terms of a long-term relationship and what are the things you are willing to put up as the Price of Admission?  Feel free to talk hypothetically if you think your significant other might also read this blog.  I don’t want to be responsible for causing any relationship discord.

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3 thoughts on “The Price of Admission

  1. I’ve learned what my price of admission was from the mistakes I’ve made.

    I can’t stand anyone who isn’t interested in sexual intimacy. That’s probably the biggest deal breaker. I’ve never been less happy than with someone who wasn’t interested in me physically.

    And I can’t stand anyone who doesn’t have a metaphorical spine. They have to be able to stand up for themselves. They have to have a bit of vim and vigor in their lives. I can respect someone more who I disagree with than someone who I might share an opinion with who doesn’t stand for their convictions.

    Aside from that I can live with most anything. I am of the opinion that if it bothers you, you put the mayo back in the fridge yourself.

    As for myself… my partners have had to pay many and high prices for admission. But I should hope they thought, and in the current case, think its worth it.

    • I agree, I don’t think I could be in a long-term relationship with someone who always agreed with me on everything. I would find it way too annoying. I want some good debates :)

  2. For me, the absolute dealbreakers are pretty simple. I don’t want children, so I can’t date anyone long term who does- there is absolutely no way to compromise on that point that won’t end badly later. I also have trouble dating someone who has political or religious views that are diametrically opposed to mine. (Translation: no fundamentalist Christian republicans…)

    Most importantly, though, I hold potential new girlfriends to a gold standard that I didn’t even know I had until my last girlfriend: Can I be in the same space as this person for more than about eight hours without losing my mind? It’s an intangible quality, but for most people the answer is no. With most people, after I’ve been in close quarters for a day, I feel drained and irritable and I just want to go be alone. With the aforementioned ex-girlfriend, I found that I could spend the weekend with her and still feel relaxed and without stress- this becomes especially important if you’re considering moving in together. I don’t even know if there’s a word for this quality, but it’s vitally important to me.

    I agree with the price of admission concept, though- the same aforementioned ex-girlfriend would leave drinking glasses all over the apartment- nightstands, bathroom counters, sometimes even in the kitchen- I was constantly ferrying them back to the kitchen, but it didn’t bother me, it just amused me.

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