This last week I’ve been plagued by dreams in which I have to leave Hamburg. The reason why I have to leave is always different, but the one thing that stays the same is that I can’t say no and I’m deeply upset by the thought of having to leave.
I really love living in Hamburg but recently I’ve been arguing with myself about if this is really the right fit, about whether I’m crazy to want to live in a foreign country where I can’t speak the language at my advanced age. Also I have doubts and worries about whether I will ever really fit in here.
However, I think my subconscious is trying to give me a really big nudge that yes, this is the right place for me to be at this point in time. It might not be the right fit in a year’s time or 5 or even 10, but right now this is where I belong. It would explain why I’ve been crazy studious in trying to learn German and why I finally feel like I’m making some headway. Also, I have a pretty good little life going on here. I feel freer than I have in years and whilst things are not perfect, they are pretty damn good.
I think it’s time I start listening to my subconscious and let go of my worries and just live in the moment. The future can sort itself out without me constantly worrying about it.