Learning Lessons From My Subconscious


This last week I’ve been plagued by dreams in which I have to leave Hamburg.  The reason why I have to leave is always different, but the one thing that stays the same is that I can’t say no and I’m deeply upset by the thought of having to leave.

I really love living in Hamburg but recently I’ve been arguing with myself about if this is really the right fit, about whether I’m crazy to want to live in a foreign country where I can’t speak the language at my advanced age.  Also I have doubts and worries about whether I will ever really fit in here.

However, I think my subconscious is trying to give me a really big nudge that yes, this is the right place for me to be at this point in time.  It might not be the right fit in a year’s time or 5 or even 10, but right now this is where I belong. It would explain why I’ve been crazy studious in trying to learn German and why I finally feel like I’m making some headway.  Also, I have a pretty good little life going on here. I feel freer than I have in years and whilst things are not perfect, they are pretty damn good.

I think it’s time I start listening to my subconscious and let go of my worries and just live in the moment.  The future can sort itself out without me constantly worrying about it.

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7 thoughts on “Learning Lessons From My Subconscious

  1. So many of us these days are writing about worry, have you noticed that? I wonder what it is about January 2012. I am happy Hamburg feels like a home to you now, and I hope that you continue to enjoy it and make memories there. You will know when it’s time to move on…

    • I think the beginning of the new year has everyone worrying about the future, but this year especially with the world economic downturn and wars sweeping across the Middle East and Africa. This is just so much instability.
      Thanks for the good wishes.

  2. As far as I can see, linearly, you’re nearly the furthest point away from home. So you’re either running toward or running from something right? And I hope its toward. Because that would be tops! On the other hand if its away from something, then good choice of country!
    You’re probably worried about stuff back home if there’s anything to worry about. I sometimes have bad dreams too! And every time I shuffle back and forth between Australia and Germany I’m beset by the things I miss from the other place, so there is always a yearning.
    Stick with your guns, and hold tight to your ankles lady, because the weirdest dreams haven’t even started yet! When your language skills get up to snuff, you’ll even start dreaming in German!
    Good luck with it all, I’m sure you’ll do fine.

    • I’m both running away and running toward something, but I’m not missing much from Australia except my friends. Leaving Oz was one of the better decisions I have made.

      I’m already dreaming in German, but it is more like grammar lessons like conjugating verbs than having actual conversions. I think that’s my brain’s way of processing what I’m learning, but it does feel like I have all-night study sessions.

      • Germans seem to be closed clams to me. They’re friendly but hard to get to know and there is no friendly pub setting like home. Also the coffee sucks have you noticed? But they are great fun when you get to know them. Are you pumped for carnival?? It is freaking awesome. I’m personally seeking a suitably geeky costume. Anyway… I think you’re doing great and your brain is finding a way to process those what ifs that you have rejected. How are you getting along with der die das?

        • The Germans I’m friends with are the ones who have spent some time overseas, the ones who stay in Germany tend not to want to make friends after University, even Germans complain about this.
          Hamburg does not celebrate Carnival, it is a purely Southern German thing, which is a shame as it looks like fun.
          I’m slowly getting my head around der, die, das, but you really need to learn the gender of the word when you learn the word, otherwise you are screwed.

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